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When you first walk down the aisletons of people give you marriage tips like "never go to bed angry" and "remember that you're on the same team. But with the rising of couples over 50 calling it quits —these " gray divorces " now for 25 percent of splits—it seems harder than ever to make a marriage really last until death do you part.
So, what do those couples who do manage to make their unions last for decades know about love that the rest of us don't? From the small gestures that keep the romance alive to tips on overcoming the challenges most couples face, we've gathered the best marriage tips from those who've stuck it out for half a century. These are the keys to marital success. If you want your partner to feel both desirable and desired, make sure you're letting them know just how often they're on your mind. PalmerPhD, a professor of psychology, clinical psychologist, and author who has been married for 50 years.
Instead of always letting your partner know exactly how you're feeling first, make space for them to express themselves before you start sharing. Houses are fixer-uppers, but viewing your spouse that way is a recipe for disaster. Don't try to change them," Palmer recommends. After all, people can only change if they want to.
Just because your relationship gets rocky from time to time doesn't mean you and your spouse aren't a good match—just try imagining life without them and you'll realize how important they are to you. Listen, all couples fight. But half the battle of marriage is knowing which fights to pick and which ones you should meet your spouse on halfway.
When you do that each day, you put the love and each other first, instead of yourself. That keeps things peaceful. Making your spouse feel loved sometimes means more than just listening to their wants and needs—physical affection is important, too. Before you turn in for the evening, make sure you and your spouse are on the same about the disagreements you had earlier in the day.
With work, social commitments, and other family members competing for your time, it may be difficult to allocate one-on-one time with your spouse. But making a point to do so—and enjoying it—can make your relationship stronger in the long run. As your relationship progresses, don't forget to maintain your friendship along with the romantic side of your relationship. I often tell my hubby I feel like we're having one very long sleepover. Turning otherwise boring activities into small romantic opportunities can Marriage advice wanted the passion alive, no matter how long you've been together.
If a good song comes on at home we'll stop and dance, we go to the movies and for walks.
Self-care is important—and performing those restorative acts with your partner can often make your relationship stronger along the way. Want to keep your marriage strong? Take any opportunity to spend time together. While savers and spenders can happily coexist, it's important to see eye-to-eye on Marriage advice wanted longer-term financial goals to keep your marriage on steady footing. Don't let money get in the way. Sometimes, things don't work out the way you'd planned.
Instead of picking a fight with your spouse or getting down, try having a good laugh about things. Humor is the way to enjoy a marriage and to raise children. Space doesn't have to be a bad thing. Just because you want to spend time away from your partner doesn't mean you love or cherish them any less. I need to know that I can be by myself and [have room to be] artistic. Many people end up unhappy in their marriage because they wonder, "What if there's someone better out there for me?
When you know someone is right for you, settle down with them and don't let them go.
The grass is never greener than love you foster over many years. Seeking outside help is still a bit taboo in some circles where people assume marriage counseling insinuates their relationship is weak. However, it's actually quite the opposite. We went to a marriage counselor at one point because we were going in different directions and needed professional help. You always have to keep working on the relationship.
Sometimes, people have an idolized view of marriage and think that one fight means the end is near. But the truth is, all couples fight—even the happy ones. Young people will say, 'Oh you almost never fight. It's not just something that you can ho-him through life. While it can be nice to envision your future with someone, if you're always focused on what's to come, you won't actually be appreciating your partner in the now—which le to problem in the future. I don't think we've ever done that," Owen told Fatherly.
We don't think, 'It's going to be so much better once this or that event happens. Basing your marriage off the marriage of anyone else can be a recipe for disaster. The only people you need to prove your marriage to are you and your partner, not the world. Like some people have the perfect marriage. And that's simply not true. Every family has issues," Owen explained to Fatherly. The world is full of surprises, and not all of them good, so make the most of every moment with your partner—especially at the end of the day.
It's true. If you hope for anything out of your spouse, hope for patience. The secret to a happy, loving marriage? Knowing that you're in it together, as a team, no matter what either of you face individually. Once you're married, everything Marriage advice wanted be faced together. It was important, and satisfying, to know that there's someone who genuinely cares about my wellbeing.
That's what loves does. Being friends before you enter into a romantic relationship can help cement your bond decades down the line. If you want your relationship to last, make "yes" a priority. Then throughout your marriage, say 'yes' to each other," suggests Clark. Your spouse isn't likely to change just because you got married, so it's important to know what your dealbreakers are before you walk down the aisle. Even marrying someone who is a homebody while you love to travel can be a factor in causing stress in a marriage. Your passion for one another may wax and wane over the years, but remembering why you first fell in love can help pull you back in when you feel like you're drifting away from each other.
Knowing and regularly hearing that your spouse loves you is important, but knowing they want you can make your marriage last a life time. Codependence can quickly sour any relationship—and maintaining your personal interests outside the marriage might just be the key to enjoying a solid union. Being attractive to your spouse means multiple things, like Marriage advice wanted to stay in shape by working out. This has the added benefit of keeping one's mental attitude strong and positive.
Throwing out the "D" word in arguments—or even thinking that Marriage advice wanted fight might be your last one—will inevitably cause tension in Marriage advice wanted marriage that you may be unable to fix. Healthy marriages are not always smooth, but should always be respectful. You shouldn't wait for holidays or anniversaries to celebrate all the wonderful things you love about your spouse.
These celebrations don't have to be big deals—a cake and coffee to celebrate a birthday, or because it's Friday and you simply love being together. Keeping your spouse on their toes can go a long way. Having an amazing sex life can keep both partners interested, but exploring intimacy outside the confines of the bedroom is equally important. It's spending time together without outside distractions, cell phones, televisions, that sort of thing. Over time, many people get so used to their partners being around that they no longer feel the need to perform those little acts of kindnesslike pulling out chairs, holding an umbrella for one another, or tackling a chore just so their ificant other doesn't have to.
Sharing at least one daily device-free meal can make all the difference when it comes to the health of your relationship. Not only do we enjoy a meal together, but we also use this time to talk about our day. Even if you're just heating up last night's leftovers, you can make meals with your spouse feel like a special occasion every night of the week. Light some candles, open a bottle of good wine, or put on a romantic playlist to set the mood. Sweeping your ificant other off their feet is something that can keep those fires lit even after you've been together for decades.
The unusual locations—such as in the dishes in the cabinet, or hidden in our bed—show the thought he puts in just because it tickles me when I find them. If you want to keep your relationship strong over the years, make sure you're letting your partner know what you want in the bedroom—especially if it's changed over time. As you age, you really appreciate the shared pleasures of true love.
Being thankful can help put things into perspective, keeping you and your spouse from spiraling into despair just because things aren't going the way you expected. Want to see your relationship through a rosier lens? Try spending time with friends who share your positive outlook on life. If you find yourself getting a little bit too passionate during an argument with your spouseit's often better to back off for the time being and return to the discussion later when you're feeling calmer.
But, she adds, "if one or both of us feels that we are too upset to discuss an issue in a sane and respectful way, we give ourselves some time to cool down. While venting to your friends about your spouse's seeming inability to pick up their socks may be cathartic, spilling the intimate details of what's going wrong in your marriage every time you and your partner disagree may do more harm than good. Learning to not let others' opinions and advice infiltrate your marriage will keep you and your spouse in sync as time goes by.
This has continued throughout our marriage. Instead of enumerating the many ways your partner has upset you, present those issues from your perspective using "I" statements, like, "I feel hurt when you're on your phone when I'm talking to you. Apologizing to your partner is essential for keeping your marriage strong and healthy over the years—but that doesn't always mean concession after a big fight.
This allows you to put hurt feelings aside and go on without one person being right and the other wrong. When you're having heart-to-hearts with your spouse, it's important to make sure they're your one priority—not what's on TV, not the laundry in the dryer, and not what's on your phone. When work stress spills over into your relationship or relationship stress spills over into your work life, it's a recipe for disaster.
We didn't Marriage advice wanted with each other and when we came together, it was glorious. Having a few activities you both love can mean the difference between decades of marital bliss and seemingly endless strife. We loved going to movies, eating out, and watching TV.
While enjoying some of the same things certainly makes it easier to spend time together, don't operate under the assumption that you have to share a personality to happily share a life together. All Rights Reserved. Open side menu button. This relationship advice is the key to making it through anything. By Julia Malacoff September 11, Read This Next. Here's why you should ignore them. Latest News. The family is modeling for a swimwear brand.
She stopped before becoming an angel. The family just celebrated his 75th birthday. From Hugh Grant to all of the Kardashians.Marriage advice wanted
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The 50 Best Marriage Tips From Couples Who've Been Married for 50 Years